How to Save a Life
by Selene O'Kiku
Summary: In a moment of insanity, Desmond irreversibly damages himself in his effort to stop the voices in his head. Alex is grief stricken at the inevitable loss of his beloved Desmond. Post AC:R AU. Smut, Yaoi/Boy'sLove, death fic. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Alex was on the verge of losing his mind. Desmond had gone missing 3 days ago, and not a trace of the former Assassin-in-training has been found. He was at his wits end; where was he? He had crawled thru the fresh snow that coated the streets of Manhattan, searching the whole island for his soul mate, but it was like the ground had swallowed him whole. Not even his powers were helping; Desmond's scent was gone, he couldn't sense him with his different visions, even the Hive mind connection he had with the hordes in the Red Zone had nothing.

He shut the door to his apartment behind him; shrugging off the snow-covered leather jacket, he slumped against the entrance hall wall. 4th day of the search, almost his 100th lap across the island and nothing.

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he reached into his pocket and fished out his cell phone; picking the first number on his speed dial, he called Dana. Nothing.

He threw the black piece of plastic down the hall in frustration; it landed on the couch with a 'thwomp' and slid between the cushions. He groaned, he was gonna have to fish it out later. Fuck.

He pushed himself off the wall, going into the small kitchenette of his one room flat, bypassing the living room by sliding over the marble counter top that divided the two rooms. He went to the fridge and pulled out a case of beer; alcohol barely affected him, but the act of drinking made him feel less depressed, like he could really drown away his sorrows.

He took it to his room, once his and Desmond's, dropped it on the mattress and unceremoniously ripped the cardboard packaging and popped open the first can. He downed it quickly; opening a second, then a third and so on until he was to his last can. He could feel the liquid sit heavily in the pit of his stomach as he stretched across the sheets; why was this not helping? He had the worst feeling of helplessness hanging over his head, he just couldn't shake the thought that maybe...he had just left.

Alex sat up, ice blue eyes flaring slightly as he finished the last of his beer. No, Desmond would never leave without saying something. Still, something didn't sit well with him. He thought back to the day before Des disappeared; the man had seemed alright, same sweet smile on his lips.

But Alex had noticed something. The other looked preoccupied, like he had something hanging heavily on his shoulders and he couldn't fix it. The way he was looking around was also worrisome; his golden eyes would sometimes flit back and forth, as if he was searching the crowds for something...or someone. Maybe someone from his past had found him? But if that was the case, why did he run instead of telling him?

Standing while worrying at his lip, he chucked the now empty cans into the trash; then straightened his clothing before purposely walking toward the door. His hand was at the knob when he heard ringing coming from his living room. He frowned;

"What the...hell?" he wondered out loud, he didn't have a land-line. He then remembered that he had thrown his cellphone into his couch. He practically tripped over his own feet as he rushed toward the ringing. Pouncing on the cushions, he tore them away to find the cell deep in the bowels of the offending piece of furniture.

Alex hurriedly flipped it open as it rang for possibly the 5th time, heart in his throat as he noticed the caller ID belonged to Desmond.

"DESMOND?" he almost shouted into the receiver, eyes wide as he prayed to god or whoever that his partner was alright. He heard a startled gasp, then a pause.

"Hello?" he asked softly, chest constricting as dread settled in his gut. Something wasn't right.

"Alex?" That was definitely not Desmond. That was...Ragland. "Oh lord...Son, I think I found him." At those words, Alex grabbed his jacket and bolted out of the apartment; into the unforgiving cold of winter.

He didn't give a fuck that someone might be watching as he ran up the side of the nearest building and took off across the rooftops. Desmond, HIS Desmond was at the hospital; maybe hurt since Ragland had been the one to call him. Even if he was hurt, Alex couldn't help but feel happiness course thru his veins as he sprinted across the city.

But something was nagging in the back of his head. The way Ragland had sounded...it was as if he were hiding something from him. He pushed the thought away, it was probably nothing.

He made his way to the hospital without incident, apparently the Blackwatch soldiers didn't like the cold. He chuckled as he entered the hospital, quickly picking his way toward the ER. He looked about, the rather lively throng of patients and doctors making it hard to pick out a specific face. After a while, Alex frowned deeply; Desmond wasn't here. Why wouldn't he be? If he'd been injured, it would only be natural to take him to the emergency room...

He walked up to the reception desk, the nurse on call pointedly ignoring him as she filled out some forms. He cocked a brow,

"Excuse me?" he asked as he reached over the desk and tapped his finger on the paper. She sighed, before setting down her clipboard and looking at him with an agitated glance.

"Yes sir?" she gave him a forced smile, though he knew she'd rather be doing anything but talking to him. He took out his cell and showed her a recent picture of Desmond,

"Has this man been around here? Someone called me and told me he was here." She barely glanced at the screen before shaking her head,

"No. I'm sorry sir, but as you can see its very busy and I can't remember every person that passes thru that door..."

"What do you mean 'no'? Call Ragland, he's the one that told me to come! He said he was here!" he said, gritting his teeth angrily as the nurse seemed to back up slightly. The whole ER stood silent, patients and doctors alike stood still as the shouting escalated.

"Sir, please calm down! If you don't I will be forced to call security!" she said, reaching with shaking hands toward the red phone that was strapped to the wall. Alex's eyes narrowed angrily, the blue shining almost silver in the phosphorescent lights,

"CALL THEM! I don't care, I'll take 'em all on if it gets me to my Desmond! Call them, I dare you!" He shouted, slamming his fists into the desk, causing it to buckle and fall to the ground. Everyone seemed to scream at the sound of splintering wood, scattering every which way as to stay away from him. The nurse's eyes went wide with terror as she picked up the phone and pressed the numbers with panicked fingers.

Before she got enough of her voice back, a hand came up to the receiver and took it gently from her hand. She looked toward the owner of the hand, stuttering since she was at a loss for words. It was Ragland. He shook his head slowly as he hung up the phone, then addressed the rather demonic-looking Alex,

"Calm down, son. Try not to cause too much of a ruckus." he said, voice calm and a bit saddened. Alex quirked a brow, but did as he was told and took deep breaths. Shaking slightly, he bit his lip and nodded; he shot a glare to the nurse but it quickly turned soft as he turned back to Ragland.

"So...Where is he? You said you found him and I thought he'd be here, so where...?" The older man nodded slowly, before motioning for the virus to follow, leading him away from the clearly frightened ER and towards a more sanitary wing of the hospital. Ragland sighed, eyes heavy,

"Alex, we had to move Desmond from the ER to intensive care."


	2. Chapter 2

"Alex, we had to move Desmond from the ER to intensive care." The virus sucked in a surprised breath,

"What? Is...Is he alright?" he asked, chest constricting again as dread set in and he was sure something was wrong. Ragland's lips were a thin line as he stopped before a door, taking a deep breath, he began to explain the situation.

"Look, we only found him a few hours ago. Someone called an ambulance after finding him unconscious near Battery Park. I was able get my hands on the medical report and...well, he took an unknown combination of drugs and they did their damage. The doctors have done everything they could but..." Alex felt something grip his stomach like a vice, he swallowed thickly as his hands balled into shaking fists. He knew something bad was coming; he could feel it in the air, in the way Ragland was talking to him and it wasn't fair. The good doctor sighed sadly,

"It seems the drugs in his system caused acute pancreatitis and a rupture of the bile duct. I'm sorry, Alex, but he won't last the week."

The words were like a punch to the gut; he felt like he was choking, intense emotions strangling him from the inside out. His eyes were wide as moisture collected in the corners, but he blinked them away in favor of just denying it all.

"N-no, that can't be right. You must have him confused with someone else, he wouldn't do that! He would never...never..." his voice just cracked, "...he's not the type to...do something like this!" Alex's whole body was conflicted, he just wanted all of this to be some horrible nightmare. Ragland hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort the obviously shocked virus.

"I'm sorry, Alex. They did everything they could but it was too late. The damage was done, and there's nothing left to do but let fate take its course." Alex stared at the floor, numb to everything except the agonizing pain in his chest and his shaking body; he swallowed the lump in his throat but it did little to hide the obvious pain in his voice,

"...Where is he?" he asked quietly, the majority of his face hidden under the cowl of his grey hood. Ragland gave his shoulder a slight squeeze before backing away and signaling to the door before them. His hands were unsteady as he reached for the knob; what was he going to find? A broken remnant of his lover or the same smile that he fell in love with?

Apparently it was something in the middle. Alex slowly opened the door to see Desmond laying in a hospital bed, his skin yellowing and his eyes slightly open, the once honey irises dark brown and empty. He was hooked up to IVs and monitors, an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth clouding up with each exhaled breath. His boots thumped heavily on the tile, making Desmond inhale sharply and turn his head towards him. The darker man, his eyes rimmed with dark bruises, smiled weakly as he re-adjusted himself in the white sheets.

"...Alex." he rasped, his voice wispy and rough for some reason as he sat up slowly. The virus didn't say anything, too busy lost in his thoughts and the feelings that were rather new to him. He breathed in slowly, trying to calm the ache in his gut and the vice around his chest.

Why did this have to happen now? It had only been a few months since he'd met him; he'd been so nervous about talking to such an attractive and optimistic man, his smile had been like a beacon thru the darkness that was his lonely existence, the life of a monster. He was positive that the darker man would just brush him off, like so many before him but he'd been different. So very different. Instead of ignoring him, Desmond had gone out of his way to make him feel comfortable; smiling and keeping eye contact, always so warm and inviting in everything he did.

Alex never felt ignored or despised, not with Desmond around. His life had turned from revenge to just simply living; enjoying every waking moment he had next to Desmond, and hoping that it would last for as long as they both lived. But it seemed that life had a different plan.

"...Alex?" The virus looked up, coming back into the present and looking mournfully at the man on the bed. The other had a look of fear and uncertainty in his eyes, like he was afraid that Alex would just leave him there and never come back. Desmond turned his gaze to his hands, resting in his lap as he smiled sadly,

"You want to leave don't you?" Alex frowned slightly at his question,

"No, I don't." he replied, face devoid of emotion as he stepped closer to the hospital bed. Standing next to the metal railing, he slowly reached out and went to caress Desmond's yellow-tinged cheek. He was denied as the other flinched away from his fingers,

"That's a lie." Desmond turned his gaze on Alex, brows furrowed in anger and his lips set in a fierce snarl as he rounded on him.

"Why don't you just leave? I deserve what's happening to me, but you don't! _I _fucked up, _I'm _the one to blame! Just get out before I hurt you more!" he shouted, his voice muffled by the oxygen mask that covered his face. The heart monitor was beeping rapidly as Desmond's heart raced, the sound bouncing loudly off the white walls and Alex just stood there with a passive look on his face, waiting for him to finish. Desmond's apparent rage deflated almost instantly, his eyes on the floor as they watered.

"...This is my fault. The one time I actually have someone that's important to me...I do something like this..." his voice was barely above a whisper, "I...I just wanted them to stop...the voices in my head...faces that I've never met...it's just too much." His face contorted, a strangled sob escaping him as he began to shake.

"...I'm pathetic...I don't deserve you, I never did...but...goddammit, I...I love you." he whimpered, his shoulders shuddering as he sobbed into his hands. Alex was frozen for a moment; he'd always know Desmond to be an emotionally strong person, seeing him like this made a lump form in his throat and he couldn't think. He'd never been very good with people, especially when they were complete wrecks, but he knew he had to do something.

"Stop." Alex said, voice booming above the combined noise of the monitors and Desmond's sobs. He pushed down the metal rail of the bed, slid in to the sheets next to Desmond, took off the mask and cupped his face in his pale hands, pressing their lips together. At first, there were whines and sobs from the younger man as he tried to pull away, but Alex's grip didn't let up. They died soon after, the kiss deepening as tongues were introduced and soon he was moaning into the other's mouth.

Desmond clawed at the front of Alex's jacket; he needed to get him closer, needed to feel their skin touching, just NEEDED him. He whined as Alex pulled back, even though he gasped and breathed deeply. Then he was pushed onto his back, a startled gasp escaping him as his lover loomed over him.

"Stop. Just...stop." Alex whispered, his brows furrowed in a sad frown as he pinned the other's wrists above his head, "You are anything but pathetic. You accepted me even though I'm a monster, something less than human. What happened is...unfortunate, but it's not your fault." he said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Alex's eyes were sad but he managed a small smile,

"And for what it's worth..._I_ don't deserve _you._ I never did anything to deserve someone as...loyal or loving or accepting or just plain beautiful as you." he said, putting their foreheads together. Desmond was speechless; all he could manage was a strangled sob as his frame shook, tears running with more force down his cheeks.

Desmond had never -NEVER- heard anyone say something like that to him, and it made the situation they were in even harder. He should have never taken those pills...he should have just gone to Alex, he would have been able to help, but now...now it was too late.

"D-did I say something wrong? Why are you crying?" he asked, letting go of the other's wrists and backing up considerably. He slowly gathered the man into his arms and against his chest, burrowing his face into chestnut hair. He took a deep breath in, his unique scent filling his nostrils and sending a fresh wave of sadness thru him. This...this wasn't gonna last, and the realization broke him. A sniffle had him looking down, Desmond had pushed himself away somewhat and was looking at him,

"...you never say the wrong thing." he smiled thru the tears, "I'm crying because...that's the first time I've heard something so sweet come from you." he rested his head in the crook of Alex's neck, "...and...I just realized what I threw away...I'm sorry..." he sobbed, clinging to the older man. Alex blinked; had he not complimented Des before? Apparently not. Well, he'd make sure that changed. At least, for as long as he could before...

No, he wasn't gonna think about that.

"Don't apologize. You've...had a rough life. I understand that, and I won't hold that against you. You did what you thought was best...even though the consequences aren't to our liking." he said, tightening his hold around his lover. Desmond was surprised at how calm Alex was...but maybe he was just as frightened as he was.

"Alex?...I'm scared. I...I don't want to die." he whispered into his pale neck; somehow cuddling closer, bypassing his clothes and dragging his fingertips over the other's bare chest. A shiver ran down the virus' spine, a small moan dripping from his lips. Blue eyes met watery brown, their faces just inches apart before their lips crushed together again with fiery passion. Desmond's arms wrapped securely around Alex's neck, pulling him closer as their tongues wrestled.

Alex lay him down slowly, making sure not to put any of his weight on his frail-looking frame and somehow managed to hitch the other's hospital gown up, exposing dusky nipples. Just as he descended on them, a knock on the door made him stop and turn, his brows furrowed angrily.

"WHAT?" he growled, eyes glowing eerily as he snarled. The door opened cautiously, a small brunette nurse hid behind the wood and only exposed a brown eye.

"Um...sir? Y-you can't do _that_ here at this time..." she swallowed thickly, her face flushing, "It's not...um, visiting hours, right now...I'm sorry, but those are the rules..." Alex sneered, sitting back on the bed and revealing his muscled chest since his shirt had been peeled back by Desmond. The nurse breathed in sharply, cursing under her breath.

"What? We're in our own room and we'll be quiet...I won't guarantee anything, tho." he said with a slight glint in his pale blue eyes and a suggestive smirk. A sudden hand slapping him across the face had him blinking in shock, he looked down to see Desmond glaring at him with a bright crimson flush across his face and neck. He looked embarrassed...or pissed.

"Y-you idiot..." he pushed his gown back down and turned to the nurse, his demeanor shy. He nodded, eyes on the floor as the blush spread to his ears and shoulders. Alex waved the nurse away, his eyes slicing thru her like a knife and making her cringe as she closed the door and bolted. The virus then turned back to the man beneath him, quirking his head to the side,

"Why'd you slap me? I wasn't forcing you or anything..." he said, leaning back on his elbows. Desmond crossed his arms across his chest, the blush fading slightly,

"It's not like it hurt. I just wanted you to stop staring at her like that..." he muttered, biting his lip as he stared at the folds of the sheets. Alex smiled, crawling into Desmond's lap and resting his head on his thigh,

"You know I've only got eyes for you...plus, you're 10 times more attractive than her." he said, pulling Desmond down into an awkward kiss, "I love you, and only you."

Desmond felt the warmth from the words bloom in his chest, he loved this feeling and he knew that he had to milk his last few days with Alex as much as he could. He smiled, cupping his lover's face in his hands and gave him another peck on the lips.

"You think you can get me out of here? I want to go home." he asked, before grunting in pain loudly. Alex was up and at his side in a blink of an eye, concern flooding his normally scowling face. Desmond gripped his stomach, his face contorting as he grit his teeth thru it. He slowly recovered, taking deep slow breaths and finally smiled weakly,

"I'm fine, just...the painkillers are wearing off." he said, voice cracking slightly. Alex looked skeptical,

"Are you sure? Do you need a doctor or...?" he said, but was silenced when Desmond leaned into him and latched on to his neck, biting the sensitive flesh of his jugular and lavating the fresh bruise. Alex gasped, head tilting back and exposing more of his neck but the warm mouth was gone. He growled, tendrils sprouting out of his arms to wrap around the other's waist and pull him closer. Desmond was not surprised,

"Alex...not here. Get me home and...you can take me where ever you want." he whispered, hands stroking the black tentacles that wiggled against his skin. Alex was out of the bed and out the door before another word was spoken, leaving Desmond alone with fresh tears running down his face.

"..It's not fair..." he sobbed quietly as a new layer of snow began to fall outside the small window.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you mean I can't take him home?" Alex shouted, his eyes narrowed and body tense as the doctor infront of him backed up a few steps. Her eyes were frightened but she grit her teeth and stood defiantly,

"I'm sorry sir, but he does not have any insurance or a proper I.D. We can't let him leave until we have his papers!" she said, voice loud in the small office. Her green eyes looked the taller man over, wondering why he looked so familiar. Alex felt her eyes on him and he had a inkling feeling she was suspicious.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped over to the door and closed it, locking it tightly. He proceeded to close the blinds to the large glass wall next to the door to hide them from any wandering eyes; the doctor was frozen behind her desk, adrenaline pumping thru her veins as multiple scenarios jumped to the front of her mind. She was sure the man before her was going to hurt her or something horrible like that. She braced herself as Alex stalked towards her, but she was surprised to see the overwhelming sadness behind his cold blue eyes.

"Look...he doesn't have any papers because he..._we_ are being looked for. Desmond by an underground organization and me...for a number of things that I would not care to discuss. So please...just let me take him home. I want him to enjoy these...last few days. Please." he said, voice soft as his eyes locked with his shoes. The doctor looked at the almost 6'3" man and felt that his words were sincere. She let out a heavy, almost tired sigh before grabbing one of the papers that littered her desk.

"...I'll probably get in trouble for this but...I _guess_ I could let you take him home. Just...don't tell anyone about this, alright? I want to keep my job." she said with a small smile. She signed the paper and then a small slip, "Here's a prescription for the pain killers he'll need too keep him comfortable, and no strenuous activities. It could agitate his condition further and shorten his time." she gave him an all-knowing look, "Keep it gentle, ok?"

Alex was speechless, the feelings of gratitude stuck in his chest as he looked at her with wide eyes. A smile tugged at his lips but was smashed with that look she gave him, he snarled as color seeped into his face.

"Mind you're own damn business, lady." he muttered, hiding under the cowl of his hood, "...but fine. I'll be..._gentle_." he sneered, grabbing the papers and opening the door, not bothering to unlock it. The door splintered slightly as the lock broke and fell off; the doctor stood there, eyes wide as the twin dragons on the man's jacket finally clicked into place in her mind. When she finally realized who he was, he was gone.

Desmond looked about the snow covered streets of Manhattan as he rode piggy-back, arms wrapped securely around Alex's neck and legs hooked around Alex's waist by pale arms. He nuzzled the back of the other's neck, smiling against his hood.

"I'm glad to be out of there." he said, smiling widely as he turned his eyes back to the snow as it fell softly around them. Alex just nodded as he walked thru the mostly empty streets, his hoody and shirt the only things protecting him from the cold. Not that he minded, really. He'd given Desmond his heavy leather jacket when he'd noticed the other shivering, no matter how much the other had protested.

Now here they were, making their way home thru the soft snowfall as they just enjoyed their time together. Alex smiled a bit,

"I'm glad you're out." his smile widened, "And about what you said...You mean it?" he stopped momentarily, feeling the other squirm against his back,

"...W-wait...I - I mean...um..." Desmond could feel his face burning, even in the cold air. He buried his face into the grey fabric in front of him, "...Y-yes..." he muttered shyly. Alex smiled from ear to ear, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Then we should hurry home then." he said, bolting down the street as Desmond clinged to him and shouted curses, a grin on his face the whole time.

The moment the door to their apartment opened, Alex pinned Desmond to the wall; their hips grinding into each other while their lips crushed together. Moans echoed thru the rooms as they continued, clothing torn off bodies and thrown to the floor. Desmond clung to Alex's bare shoulders as he hitched his legs around his hips, bouncing against the other as his body was breached. He threw his head back in ecstasy, moaning as his sight flickered from the intensity of it all.

Their bodies moved as one, thrusting and pushing in a steady rhythm until they both felt their ends rushing towards them. Nails cut thru skin as Desmond stiffened and his orgasm crashed thru him, yelling as he spent himself between their sweat slicked bodies. Alex gasped as he followed, biting Desmond's shoulder to muffle his voice and quickly licking at the resulting bruise. They collapsed to the floor, panting and groaning as they kissed again, softer than before.

"...love you..." Desmond whispered, resting his head on Alex's shoulder as he caught his breath. Alex smirked, pulling out of the other and pulling him closer, leaving small kisses along his neck. Desmond shivered, from both Alex pulling out and the cum that began to dribble out of him and down his thigh. He sighed lightly, content, but soon the inevitable feeling of hopelessness hit him hard and he was back to sobbing before he knew it.

"I-I'm sorry...I can't...I don't want to die...not yet...!" he cried, clutching to Alex with shaking fingers. The virus held him close, rubbing his back to help soothe him; he was still new at the whole comforting thing but he somehow knew this would work. And it did; Desmond slowly calmed down, his sobs down to sniffly whimpers as he rested against Alex's broad chest.

The silence was comforting, no other sounds but that of their breathing. Alex would have been content with this quiet, but Desmond began nibbling at his neck and he couldn't resist the growl that formed in his throat. The younger pulled back, eyes pleading,

"Alex, fu-fuck me...!" Alex's brows furrowed,

"Didn't I just...?"

"Yeah, but...again! Fuck me until I forget my name, until I forget everything and pass out! Please...I don't want to remember any of this!" he begged, lowering himself to the floor between Alex's legs, taking the limp member in front of him into his mouth and rolling his tongue. Alex gasped in surprise, but didn't think much of it as he enjoyed the treatment; his hands holding the other's head gently, tugging softly on chestnut hair as the other bobbed and slurped at his prick.

"Nnng...D-Desmond..." he moaned, rubbing the younger man's scalp encouragingly as he stopped himself from thrusting into that slick, hot cavern. Alex let loose a barrage of tendrils that teased at every sensitive spot on Desmond's body, leaving him a drooling and squirming mess, moaning around the dick in his mouth. The virus could feel the heat coiling in his gut; he didn't want this to be it so he pulled Desmond off him, kissing him deeply before carrying him towards the bedroom.

Alex layed the other under him on the mattress, their lips and tongues meeting again as he rolled their hips together. Desmond bucked into the touch, relishing the feeling of skin against skin and being very vocal about it. Tendrils teased everywhere as the darker man spread his legs, the older man lined up and thrust in with a loud moan. Hearts raced as voices rang out and bodies moved in tandem, sweat dripping off as the bed springs underneath them squeaked from their movements.

"Aaah...Al-Alex...I'm...I'm gonna...!" Desmond gasped, eyesight wavering as he clawed down Alex's back, nails digging thru pale skin again. Another thrust made him scream as he came, body stiffening almost painfully before going limp, chest heaving for breath. Alex bit his lip, willing away his oncoming orgasm even as he felt the delicious squeeze around him. Pulling out, he took a few composing breaths before flipping Desmond onto his belly,  
>"Des...grab the headboard and...hah...spread your legs." he ordered, voice rough with arousal. Desmond complied, body trembling as he did as he was told. He gripped the wood so hard his knuckles turned white as Alex thrust into him again, earning a shout of pleasure. The thrusts became erratic; the headboard banged against the wall, the bedframe creaked and jolted forward from the force of their movements.<p>

Throwing his head back, Desmond keened as a tendril wrapped around his once again aching member and stroked roughly, tears welling up in his eyes from the intense feeling. Alex thrust in two more times before cumming deep inside the younger, gritting his teeth and snarling. Desmond arched as the hot seed filled him, cumming with a silent scream before his eyes rolled back into his head and everything went black. Alex grabbed him before he could hit his head on the headboard and lowered him to the sheets gently, kissing him as he withdrew.

"...Damn, I'm good." he whispered as he cradled Desmond in his arms, checking to make sure he was still breathing before drawing the sheets over them and closing his eyes. He was going to make sure he remembered this, so even if one day he lost himself to the wailing souls inside him, he could cling to this moment and find his way.

Desmond woke with a start, gasping as a searing pain emanated from his gut. He writhed and squirmed as the pain continued to escalate; like hot lava burning thru his insides, it made him want to scream. He grunted as the urge to throw up became apparent, struggling to get to his feet. Alex stirred, noticing the odd movements from the other. Desmond rolled out of bed, collapsing to the ground as he wretched and gagged. Alex was on his feet and next to him in an instant,

"Desmond! What's wron-" he got cut off when the other clutched his arm, gasping between bouts of pain and retching,

"Get...get me to...Urk..the bath-bathroom...hurk...!" Alex almost dragged him into the bathroom, flipping the light on and hoping to god this wasn't serious. The tile floor was freezing to the touch, but as Desmond crawled toward the toilet it was refreshing to his fevered skin. He just about dunked his head into the porcelain bowl when he felt the sickeningly hot bile rush up his throat, his eyes prickling with tears at the rancid taste and smell of it gushed from his mouth and nose.

Alex did his best to soothe the sobbing and retching sounds that echoed out of the toilet, even as he realized with horror that most of what was coming out of his lover was crimson and thick. They both sat there for a long time, ass-naked but not caring in the least; stuck in a cycle of comfort and pain, soothing and retching.

After what seemed like an eternity, Desmond finally pulled his head from the toilet bowl, blood and bile dripping off his chin. He turned his bleary gaze towards Alex, tears still running down his cheeks,

"Guh...Al-Alex..." he grit his teeth as a new wave of pain made him slump against the toilet, "...th-the...medicine...pl-please..." Alex nodded, running out to the front hall and digging thru his jacket's pocket for the small bottle that he'd gotten before leaving the hospital the previous day. Grabbing hold of it, he tripped over himself as he rushed back to the bathroom, slightly terrified about leaving the other alone.

Alex's breath caught in his throat as he found Desmond collapsed on the tiles, red bile pooling slowly around his head. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe, eyes heavy-lidded and staring at empty space. The virus dropped to his knees next to him, cradling the other's head in one arm and opening the bottle with the other. Alex had a tendril take two pills from the bottle and, his whole body trembling with panic, had it slither down Desmond's throat to drop the pills in his stomach.

Desmond complained weakly, eyebrows furrowing at the intrusion but didn't do much else as his puke slicked down his neck and chest. Alex watched as the pain on his lover's face slowly faded and was replaced with a sleepy calm, all the while he clutched him close. Desmond groaned, slowly lifting his hand up to the other's face,

"...sorry." he whispered, rubbing his thumb against a pale cheek with an apologetic look on his face. Alex smiled, relief filling him in a giant wave as he sighed,

"You don't have to apologize. Just...don't scare me like that again." he said, planting a kiss on his tan, sweat-slicked forehead. He looked around the bloodied bathroom, then back at himself,

"How's about a bath? I think we both deserve it."


	4. Chapter 4

It was late into the afternoon, faint traces of sunlight peeked thru the heavy cloud cover as snow fell over the city. Each snowflake shimmered with light, giving the scene thru the window an almost movie-esque quality. With such a spectacle, Desmond had gotten Alex to move the couch to face the large windows in the living room instead of staring at the TV. Now they just sat there in an enjoyable silence; Alex slouched against the soft cushions, Desmond laying down with his head resting on his thigh. A pale hand brushed gently thru short chestnut hair, almost subconsciously so; the other dozing as he recovered from earlier events.

It had taken Alex almost an hour to clean off both of them in the small tub of their apartment, washing away any unwanted fluids from their bodies and leaving them clean. After helping Desmond dress into a pair of shorts and a shirt, he set off to clean the crimson-stained tiles. After another hour, he was done.

He walked into the living room, wary as he slipped a shirt on to go with his jeans. He found Desmond at the window, curtains drawn as he gaped at the sight thru the glass. And there they sat, nothing but their soft breathing breaking the silence. Alex felt the other shift, then a loud growl had his lips turning upwards at the corners,

"Hungry?" he asked, unable to hide the smirk on his face. Desmond smiled sheepishly, a faint blush on his cheeks as he shifted into a sitting position.

"Maybe a little...I think I'll cook us something to eat." he said, "How about soup?" He got to his feet, wavering a little before his legs gave out and he fell back into Alex's lap with a yelp. He groaned, rubbing his lower back,

"Fuuuck...dammit am I sore." he muttered, gripping at Alex's thighs like they were chair arms, "Help me up, please?" The older man nodded with an amused smile playing on his lips. After helping the other steady himself on his feet, they went into the small kitchen. Alex had to smile wickedly at the bad hobble the other was sporting, knowing he had caused it.

"Next time, think before you tell me to fuck you like that. You do know how I _love_ to please." he said, his tone smug as a grin spread over his features. Desmond blushed, pursing his lips as he glared at Alex before smiling a little. He then took the other's hands and guided them to his hips, making sure the other had a good grip.

"Yeah, ok. I asked for it, I know." he said with a roll of his eyes, "But now, just hold on to me, alright? I don't think I can stand on my own..." they stood in front of the stove, the soup packet already out along with a pot filled with water. Desmond poured the contents of the packet into the pot, stirring it while adding some other things to the broth. Alex pulled himself close to the other; resting his chin on a tan shoulder as his hands curled around his middle. Looking at the now simmering pot, he furrowed his brow,

"Shouldn't you eat something a bit more...I don't know, filling? I could go out and buy you something, if you want..." he muttered, but was met with a light chuckle,

"No, this is fine. If I eat anything too heavy it might irritate my ulcer...and I don't want to throw up blood again." he said with a smile, before slipping some seasonings into the pot. Alex's brows furrowed deeper,

"Ulcer? I thought all you had was the pancreatitis and the ruptured duct..." Desmond smiled sadly,

"The doctor told me that if I move too much or too aggressively I could develop an ulcer because of the rupture. It let some acid get loose outside my stomach, which explains the blood...But it's nothing serious, I promise." he said, kissing Alex's cheek softly. The paler man was silent for a while before speaking, his voice laced with disbelief,

"So..._I_ caused the ulcer?...Why didn't you tell me that could happen?" he said, eyes narrowed as he pulled away slightly. Desmond frowned as he worried his lip,

"Because I knew you'd treat me differently. I'm not made out of glass, Alex." He turned off the stove and removed the now simmering pot off the hotplate, pulling away completely from the other with some difficulty. Alex was about to say something when a knock on the door made him start and turn. He looked back at Desmond, but the man had his back to him as he served the soup. The virus made his way to the door, not bothering to look thru the peephole and opened it. He jumped as someone wrapped their arms around his torso,

"What the...Dana? What are you doing here?" he asked, waiting until his sister pried herself from him and looked at him with a sad look. She cocked a brow,

"Any luck? Did you find him?" she asked, wringing her hands worryingly. Alex mentally kicked himself; he hadn't called her and told her. He grimaced; even he was scared of her sometimes,

"Um...yeah. I did find him...yesterday." she looked at him for a moment, a look of mild surprise on her face. Then a dark shadow passed over her features as she snarled angrily,

"You bastard! Why didn't you call me?" she hissed, trying to shove past into the apartment when a crash had them both running in. Desmond was on his hands and knees, trembling as he muttered curses at the now shattered porcelain bowl and spilled soup all over the floor. He bit his lip as angry tears gathered in his eyes,

"Fuckfuckfuck...I'm fucking useless...a fucking cripple dammit...!" he muttered, his hands forming shaking fists on the tile floor. Dana went to help but Alex stopped her, shaking his head. She frowned,

"Is he alright?" Alex looked at her sadly before going to his side,

"No, he's not. Look, I'll explain in a minute alright?" he snapped before his tone softened, "Des, can you stand?"

Desmond shot him a warning glance, eyes teary as he smiled bitterly,

"What do you think?...Just take me back to bed." he sniffed, wiping at his eyes as he was helped to his feet. Alex wrapped his arm around Desmond's waist, holding him up as the other gripped his shirt with shaking fingers. They side-stepped the mess on the floor; Desmond growling low in his throat as he was lead to the bedroom then set down on the edge of the mattress. His eyes were on the floor,

"I'm not a burden for you, am I?" he asked quietly, hands clutching the sheets beneath him. Alex frowned, shaking his head.

"Of course not! I love you, how can that be a burden?" he said, tilting the other's chin up to seal their lips together. Pulling away after a moment, he gave him a small smile before leaving the room. Closing the door behind him, he leaned against it taking a deep breath. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard; why would he think that? He'd never been a burden, more like a blessing; especially to a guy like him.

"Alex?" He turned to his sister, finding her on the floor fishing out the shattered pieces of bowl from amid the soup. Dana was looking at him; he knew he had to tell her but how? He was silent, grabbing paper towels and getting to work on cleaning the lukewarm liquid off the floor. He avoided her gaze, feeling ice blue eyes boring holes in his back; his heart was in his throat as he tossed the last of the soiled papers in the trash and sat on the nearby couch.

"Alex, why are you ignoring me? What's wrong?" she asked, worry clear in her voice as she took a seat next to him. He sighed, trying very hard not to get a lump in his throat.

"Look, Dana...I don't know how to say this. It happened so fast, I can barely believe it myself." he muttered, fighting the emotions that seemed to bubble in his chest, "Desmond's not...he's not gonna make it." Dana's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, her eyes going over her brother's face in an attempt to understand,

"Wh-what are you saying? I don't- I don't understand what are you...?" Alex could feel his chest constrict, his eyes begin to water; he couldn't break in front of her, he couldn't!

"Dana...Des is- is sick. Something happened and he...he's dying." he whispered, looking into almost identical eyes. Dana gasped, face contorting with sadness,

"O-oh no...It- it can't be...Alex, I'm so sorry..." she said, wrapping her brother in a warm and comforting embrace. He fell into the hug, resting his head on her shoulder and returning the embrace. She pulled away after a moment,

"Alex...how long before...?" she asked quietly, her shoes beginning to get more and more interesting as time wore on. Alex rubbed the back of his neck,

"A...few more days." Dana made a noise, eyes back on her brother. Alex could see the gears turning in her head, almost like she was debating what she wanted to say. Biting her lip she made her decision.

"If you ever need anything...any help or anything...Just know, I'm here for the both of you." she said, clasping her hands around his. He looked in to her eyes, a small smile on his lips as he nodded.

"Could you stay here for a bit? Let me go out real quick and get something for us to eat, and I'll give you the whole situation ok?" Dana nodded, a determined look on her face as he grabbed his jacket. He came up to her and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, a look of thanks in his eyes before he ran out the door. Dana smiled sadly, feeling her eyes prickle with tears; Desmond was like another big brother to her, how could this be happening to him?

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she took a deep breath and walked to the bedroom door. Putting a smile on her face, Dana walked in and greeted Desmond like nothing was wrong; even if her heart was breaking.

Desmond sat on the mattress for what seemed like hours, his mind wandering about as he thought of the things he should do before his time came. It was still so unbelievable; he was going to die in the next few days, and he didn't want to accept it but the reality had struck. He couldn't stand without help, his stomach hurt constantly, it was harder for him to concentrate without feeling exhausted; his body was failing him already. He fell back against the pillows with a thump, feeling his eyes prickle for what seemed like the hundredth time this week. As the tears crawled down his cheeks, he thought of the people he would say goodbye to.

_Oh god, Mom. She's gonna cry a freaking river...Bill? No, he'd probably try to fix it with that _thing._ Not gonna give him the chance...Oh, what about...? No. I doubt they even want to hear my voice. Not after...Lucy. But...I want them to at least know._

Desmond snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of footsteps heading toward the door; wiping the tears from his face, he put up a straight face as Dana walked in. He could tell her smile was forced, but he was glad she wasn't crying. He'd caused enough pain already. He smiled back as she took a seat on the mattress,

"So...I'm guessing Alex told you already?" he asked, eyes falling to his lap. Dana nodded,

"Yeah...but not completely. He just said you were sick and you didn't have much time..." she said, eyes on him. Desmond sighed; he really didn't want to say anything but she deserved to know, she was like a sister to him.

"I, uh, had a moment of insanity a few days ago. Um...I didn't know where I was or how I had gotten there, I just knew there so many voices...piercing thru my mind that I just couldn't take it. I just wanted them gone, so I chugged some pills I had gotten my hands on. Then everything went black." he said, wringing the sheets in his hands, "After that...I woke up at St. Paul's. The doctors told me I had been found unconscious in Battery Park. Then they explained what was wrong with me...I-I have acute pancreatitis and a, uh, ruptured bile duct. Basically, my insides are fucked and...so am I." he muttered, feeling like he had just killed himself. He pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to stop the tears that were building; he didn't want to cry dammit.

"I'm sorry...I really am. I-I didn't want any of this to happen it just did and I..." the lump in his throat stopped him from continuing, dragging a sob out of him in the process. Dana felt her chest constrict; he was trying so hard to be strong...Had he had any time to actually morn?

"Desmond...It's not your fault. Come here." she said softly, pulling him close for a warm and comforting hug, "Let it all out...its ok." she whispered, rubbing soothing circles on his back. Desmond bit his lip hard; how can she be like this? So...so calm in the face of his inevitable death? He wrapped his arms around her securely; hands clenching to her jacket as if it was the only thing keeping him there, and cried. He didn't care about not looking strong, all he wanted to do was make this go away; the self-loathing, the pain, the endless regret that had been stewing inside him this whole time. For the first time since this had happened, Desmond was...content. Content to have this family to call his own and actually _love_ him no matter what he'd done. And he sobbed as he realized this; smiling thru the tears even if he knew he could leave them at any moment.


End file.
